I miss lying in bed and being in his company. We don’t need to have sexual activity but I love being around him, laying on his heart and hearing his heart beat, feeling him breathe and knowing that he is alive and well. I miss when he kisses me playfully, makes out with my ear, sleeping over, playing with him and laughing, cuddling, being myself and feeling safe when I am around him. It’s the little things in life that I miss about him. I miss showing him that I care and seeing how he might possibly care about me. I miss being in his house, in his car, holding hands in his car, and riding around with him talking. We talk about activities that are in our lives or having serious conversations about our past, present, future, friends and family. I miss being in his company and his families company. From going to movies and playing golf to playing pool and chillin’ out. Meeting new people and making friends is my favorite part of life. I feel that you learn more about yourself and others by being with others. Like I said before, I miss being able to hold and care for him I just want to be with him.
Even though the attempt to have sex did not work; I miss the sexual activity. Not just because its just fooling around, but the warm feeling I get when I am with him and how good I feel. He does it better than anyone else. He is gentle and seems like he cares about me when we do things. He knows what to do with me to make me happy and doesn’t hurt me. I miss kissing, making out, giving him hand jobs and blow jobs. I miss giving him massages before activity ad pleasuring him. Even though I like being pleasured, I would rather pleasure him and make him happy. I don’t want to be pleasured; I want him to be happy and pleasured. I figure that if I pleasure him, then maybe in a week to a few months I will see him again. I know that is a horrid mind set but it’s the truth. I want to try new things. I cannot try new things, show him I have changed for the better, and truly be myself instead of trying to “fit in” like when we first met. He won’t let me, hang out with me or talk to me so how can I reconnect? As far as trying new things go, I have one thing to show him that he might like. I know that some people find it a turn on but I want to see if he likes it. Then, there is one sexual thing I do not believe he has tried. I want to try it to again, see if he likes it.
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