Attraction.

What attracts you to another person? Whether it’s a friendship or a boy/girl relationship? A noble person would say personality, how they carry themselves, characteristics, values, trust and what they have in common. Many individuals say that looks are the last on their list on what they look for. You know deep inside that this is a lie. A person must be attracted to that person in some shape or form to develop a relationship. It comes down to looking at physical properties weight, eyes, hair, boobs, lips, clothes, poise, everything! Some men will only hook up with women with a shitty personality but a terrific body. Is that fair? Is that ethical?

Many situations lead to someone having a loss of interest at one point or another. This would mean a complete loss in a friendship or relationship. So who suffers? There are many reasons of why this is caused. They could not like the partners personality or because their physical features were lower than what you wanted. Lowering your standards for the person can be a good or bad thing. Depends on the situation and what standards you are lowering. If you are lowering them because he is a good person then that is great. Lowering them for his benefit is not being truthful to you. Having a loss of interest is because by all of these, if something does not click or seem right it needs to end. With my ex, I hated his acne. Being a good person, I didn’t want to judge him based on that. We dated for awhile; his personality I found out was not for me. I left; I felt that it would be less hurtful if I were to end it then and not to use him.

When you realize that you have lost attraction to that person, you must make some decisions. Decision making can either be instant or you can take your time on making your decision. If you decide to take your time, make sure you don’t make the other partner wait too long. Waiting on both parts is the best. The most common decisions are using the individual for sexual pleasures, not expressing how you feel 100%, blankly not telling them, ignoring or all the above. This seems like a set of options that are easier said than done. When it gets tough both parties end up breaking down or snapping. In contrast, when it’s an easier decision you don’t care about the outcome. Is this healthy? Stopping and confronting any of these decisions is the best way to deal with it. Sometimes you forget about stopping the decision. You keep on letting them use you because you hope that someday they will come to you. Eventually you will go crazy over this person and become depressed. All these emotions will appear to make you seem obsessive when you’re not. Is this love? What is this feeling? I know what being in this situation feels like, I can’t get out.

It hurts and is torturing when you get the notice that someone is just not that into you. You meet a person that you assume will be great friends with you or meet the person who is looking for someone to date as well. Then, you realize they don’t like you and/or weren’t looking for any type of relationship with you at all. A friendship can end in gossip or first impressions. In a relationship situation, one of you can have a connection but the other one doesn’t. It’s that simple and that torturing. I tend to blame myself and figure what I did wrong. I want to make it better so then they come back to me. Why does this happen? Is it you just wake up one day and decide you don’t like the person or do you wake up in anticipation and think about it for awhile? Sometimes when you have a red flag you go with your natural instinct.

For example, the day after I suggested to my ex we should break up I woke up with a nightmare about him. It got to the point of where I did not want to get out of bed. I knew something was wrong and I had to end it that day. Having a blank flag makes you think and analyze about the situation. Actions don’t occur until an incident of the sort happens. The end result is a good or bad consequence; it’s up to you to decide on how to deal with it. I know what it’s like to have a red and blank flag wave in my face at the same time. What did I choose to do about it? I ignored it. Now, I am attached, hooked, hurt and confused as ever. Your actions determine your future and your consequeses. I wake up everyday thinking about him. It’s unhealthy and I am aware. I dream and hope he will talk and I always think of him. Call me obsessive if you wish, you don’t know me. I have a vivid imagination, that’s all it is. Nothing more; nothing less. I am just a girl wanting to be cared for and loved.

This past month and a half has been a living ship wreck. I stay up late, can’t wake up early, can’t eat or study. I have been having stress, anxiety, feeling unhappiness, unloved and unwanted. Life has been stressful but I never thought it would last this long. It’s not that I’m upset that life isn’t going my way but I’m upset that it all hit me in the face at once. Is this happening to me because it’s just me and shit always happens to me or has God wanted me to feel and experience this horrid obstacle? This has NEVER happened to me before. So how do I deal with it? I have been sucking it up, dealing with it, venting, writing and I try not to take it out on others. Maybe all this is to happen to me because I am not reading my bible enough, I haven’t been listening to Josh Rosenthal, I have been missing church a lot, bad karma, or maybe it’s just LIFE. It can be many things, I have just never had them hit me all at once and I don’t know of what to do. Bottom line, everyone faces obstacles throughout their lives. We learn how to let them go or work with them. But does everyone face the same obstacle I do? I feel lonely. I don’t mind feeling alone, I just hate feeling lonely.